Ninety-Nine Failed Pick-Up Lines (And the One That Actually Worked)
by arborescent
Summary: It all started with a pick-up line whispered on a rooftop. "You know, Tantei-kun, if I had eleven roses and you, I'd have a dozen." Kaitou KID barely dodged the soccer ball that shot past his head and lodged itself in the steel door behind him.
1. Roses

**Ninety-Nine Failed Pick-Up Lines (And the One That Actually Worked)**

 **Summary** : It all started with a pick-up line whispered on a rooftop. "You know, Tantei-kun, if I had eleven roses and you, I'd have a dozen." Kaitou KID barely dodged the soccer ball that shot past his head and lodged itself in the steel door behind him.

 **Rating** : T

 **Warnings** : Swearing

* * *

 **Chapter One** : Roses

* * *

"Shit-!" Edogawa Conan stumbled as his sneakered foot was caught on a thin length of shimmering wire, and he barely had time to regain his balance when heaps of fluorescent pink feathers adhered themselves to the eighteen-turned-six-year-old's tiny body. Chest heaving and forehead glistening with sweat, the child kept on running, ignoring the feathers plastered to his clothing as he raced up yet another flight of stairs. "Kid is going to pay for this..."

Conan had not been having a good day, to say the least. The day had started with a whack over the head from the ever drunk, ever obnoxious Mouri Kogoro, who had chided Conan for attempting to drink coffee in the morning. "A squirt like you," he had chortled, "Doesn't need anymore coffee to stunt his growth."

As was routine, at 7:30 Conan had been promptly ushered off to the hell that was primary school, where he was then subjected to the endless prattling of the Shounen Tantei-dan for six consecutive hours. It was just Conan's luck that Haibara Ai, his only solace during school hours, was absent for the day for some completely made-up reason. Stomachache his ass, Haibara was going to pay for abandoning him.

When the bell had finally rung and released Conan from primary school prison, he wanted to do nothing but go home to Ran's sisterly embrace. But as fate would have it, the boy crossed paths with a murder before he was even a third of the way home.

* * *

"Oh my GOD! He's DEAD!"

Standing in the middle of a small park, a woman shrieked and clutched her face in horror as her dog toyed with the limp hand of a dead salaryman. Gawping bystanders slowly crowded around the dead body in morbid fascination, and it was only until the dog had begun chewing the hand that someone had the sense to call 1-1-0. Conan had tried to examine the body for clues before the dog damaged any evidence or the police cordoned off the crime scene, but a nondescript man with baseball cap shielding his face held Conan back. "It's better to let the police handle this, don't you think, bouya?"

Conan tried using his most powerful puppy dog eyes on the man to convince him to let him go, but to no avail. Conan was about to slip away from the park and continue heading home when the police arrived, and Conan sighed in resignation. He knew what this meant.

The police began to round up the bystanders almost immediately, and began to take statements from them one by one. These policemen were maddeningly slow, and Conan nearly screamed in frustration when he noticed the dog had slipped beneath the crime tape and had resumed nibbling at the corpse. Trotting up to the nearest officer, a mild man he knew from multiple cases, Conan tugged at the hem of the officer's shirt until he caught his attention. "Ne, Omawari-san, is that doggy supposed to be eating that?" He giggled a high-pitched, disgustingly saccharine laugh as he pointed in the direction of the corpse, and the officer dropped his clipboard as he sprinted towards the dog.

After several long-suffering hours of watching the police slowly bumble their way through the case, the culprit was finally caught, and the bystanders were released. Dispersing with sighs and groans, the crowd meandered away from the park, Conan included, and by the time he reached the Mouri Detective Agency, he was ready to eat whatever delicious meal he was sure Ran had prepared. But as soon as he entered the house, he knew something was off. There was no delicious smell wafting from the kitchen, and he didn't hear Ran humming either. Conan dropped his backpack by the door and hurried into the kitchen. There was no Ran, no delicious meal, only a plain index card on the kitchen table. As Conan approached, it became obvious that it was a note, and his heart sank as he read it.

 _Dear Conan-kun,_

 _I'm afraid I won't be home until late today!_

 _There's been a sudden change of plans, and I have a karate tournament today!_

 _Don't worry, I made some curry for you, it's in the fridge so all you need to do is heat it up._

 _Don't forget to go to bed by eight!_

 _Love,_

 _Ran_

Conan sighed, and plodded over to the refrigerator. He really didn't feel like heating anything up, but at least Ran had already prepared something for him. But when Conan opened the refrigerator door, he saw nothing but another note, this time on a dirty napkin with stains that looked suspiciously like curry.

 _Dear Brat._

 _I have important work today._

 _I have been invited to a Kaitou KID heist._

 _I didn't have time to cook, so I ate your curry._

 _-Ojisan_

Conan's stomach grumbled indignantly and the boy silently cursed Kogoro. He also thanked him though, because the heist had completely slipped his mind following the recent chain of events. Conan ran to the closet and grabbed his skateboard and helmet, then dashed out the door, grabbing a melon bread from the kitchen as he left. As he skateboarded down the street, Conan mentally chastised himself. It was uncommon for KID to hold a heist near Beika, how could he have forgotten that it was today?

Conan shook himself out of his thoughts and started to eat his melon bread as he approached an intersection. If his memory was correct, the heist was located at the Grand Palace Gallery, where the Virgin's Rose diamond was on display. Conan made a sharp turn to the left towards the brightly illuminated building, cutting through a throng of shoppers and nearly hitting a woman with indigo eyes as he sped down the sidewalk. A quick glance at his watch let Conan know that the heist was starting in less than fifteen minutes, and as he sped up his skateboard, he was oblivious to the indigo-eyed woman's smirk as she stared at his retreating back.

Needless to say, Conan made it to the gallery with time to spare, and as he pushed through the mingling crowd of KID fans and task force officers, he caught sight of Inspector Nakamori, who, as usual, was hollering orders to the task force members dashing frantically around the main hall of the gallery. Conan shook his head as he finished the rest of his bread- there was no way this chaotic group would ever be able to catch KID- and scanned the area for an outlet to the roof. KID was so predictable in his movements, it was a wonder that no one had caught on ages ago. Catching sight of a secluded stairwell, Conan changed directions and began pushing his way towards the metal stairs when the lights suddenly went out.

"Ladies and gentlemen!"

* * *

And Conan was snapped back to his current situation, hustling up what seemed to be the twentieth flight of stairs that night, trailing shocking pink feathers as the adhesive slowly gave way to the sweat drenching his tiny body. Short legs were really such an inconvenience. KID was racing up to the roof, taking the stairs three steps at a time, whereas Conan was struggling just to scale one step. It seemed like ages before Conan had finally caught up enough that he could see a glimpse of startling white silk as KID turned each corner of the stairwell. Conan wasn't the only one catching up, as he could hear the task force charging up the stairs, spitting out profanity every time they triggered another one of KID's masterfully intricate traps.

Just as Conan was about to reach his limit, he heard the screech of metal on metal, then a loud clang. KID had reached the roof. Conan put on a final burst of speed that he didn't know his puny body had possessed. If KID had reached the roof, then Conan wasn't too far behind-

Suddenly the cool night air washed over Conan, and he hunched over, hands on his knees, in a futile attempt to recover his breath. A small feather drifted down from his hair, slick with sweat, and Conan accidentally inhaled it, resulting in a coughing fit.

A silky laugh rang out over the rooftops of downtown Beika, and Conan looked up, mid cough, to glare at the source of the laugh. A man, clad in all white, a top hat perched on his unruly hair and a monocle balanced delicately on the bridge of his nose.

Conan gritted his teeth, still recovering from the inhaled feather. "Fuck. You. Kid."

"My, my, Tantei-kun. Those words shouldn't be coming from a child's mouth."

The man twirled an ornate brooch fashioned to look like two intertwined roses between his fingertips. Embedded in each rose was an oversized, circular pink diamond, and as the brooch twirled, the light of the full moon illuminated them from within. They cast a ethereal pink glow on gallery roof and sent shafts of light shimmering over the thief. Such a sight would have been breathtaking to anyone else, but the Kaitou KID seemed almost annoyed, and with a snap of his fingers the brooch disappeared in a puff of pink smoke. Apparently finished with his prize of the night, the thief cast his gaze onto the shrunken detective, cheeks still rosy and feathered from the chase. Conan had trained his anaesthetic dart watch at KID, and was following his every move with a smoldering glare.

"Not in the mood for carefree banter tonight, I see?"

The child failed to reply, and his glare only intensified.

"Well, neither am I, actually."

KID watched the child carefully for a reaction, but Conan didn't move.

"Oh my. Are you angry about the feather trap?"

Conan still didn't move, but a lone feather slipped off his shoulder and landed on the cement. The task force could be heard stampeding up the stairwell.

"Well, my apologies, Tantei-kun. But believe me when I say that the trap wasn't meant for you."

Conan still did not budge from his station in front of the rooftop door, but cocked one eyebrow. KID took this as an invitation to continue.

"You see Tantei-kun, that trap was meant for Tantei- _san._ " KID continued to speak under his breath, "In fact, all the traps tonight were meant for that asshole."

Conan raised both eyebrows this time, and finally opted to speak. "What do you mean, Kid?"

KID's eyes lit up as soon as he heard Conan's voice, and his plasticine smile molded into something slightly more genuine.

"What I mean is of no concern to you, Tantei-kun. Just rest assured that if I had intended to set a trap for you, it would've been much cuter than just pink feathers."

Conan turned as KID started to walk back and forth, following the thief with his watch at the ready. The sound of the footsteps in the stairwell reverberated like thunder as the task force closed in on the roof. "Cuter? What the hell are you talking about?"

KID waggled his finger at Conan. "Once again Tantei-kun, a child shouldn't be saying dirty words like that."

"We both know I'm not really a child."

"Oh really? Your stature says otherwise."

Conan scowled and tried again. "What did you mean by cute?"

"I meant, Tantei-kun, that you are awfully adorable..."

Conan's eyes grew wide. He recognized that tone of voice. It meant that KID was up to no good, and that Conan's dignity was in trouble. But before Conan could press the trigger on his watch, Kaitou KID snapped his gloved fingers, and Conan found himself shrouded in a cloud of pink smoke. Instinctively, Conan held his breath to avoid inhaling any of the smoke, but he was a second too late and launched into yet another fit of coughing. Unable to see, Conan stumbled around blindly, grasping out for KID so that he could pummel him with all the force in his tiny fists.

It was like playing Blind Man's Buff with a ghost. KID laughed as he easily dodged Conan's outstretched hands, much to the boy's frustration. When the smoke finally dissipated, KID was standing with his back to the rooftop door, now closed, and Conan was still blindly groping for the thief. KID couldn't help but stifle a laugh at Conan's appearance.

"...And," he continued, "you look even better in that dress."

Conan stopped reaching for KID and looked down, dread slowly curling in the pit of his stomach. He was clad in a frilly magenta dress, complete with elaborate bows and garish fuchsia bloomers. Conan stared down at his new clothes in horror, quivering with equal parts anger and embarrassment, fixing KID with his deadliest glare as the thief dared to speak again.

"You know, Tantei-kun, if I had eleven roses and you, I'd have a dozen." Kaitou KID barely dodged the soccer ball that shot past his head and lodged itself in the steel door behind him. Flourishing a bouquet of roses, KID smirked over the top of the blushing blooms, and tossed them at the fuming Conan as he sauntered backwards towards the ledge of the roof. Then the thief tipped his hat, leaned back, and dived over the edge just as the task force burst through the dented door. "Where is he?! Where's KID?!" Conan turned breathlessly towards them, clutching KID's bouquet tightly in his hands.

(The task force's first thoughts were 'What is this little girl doing up here?')

* * *

 **A/N:** Hello there! This... is the first fic I've written in a while, and I honestly don't know if I'll continue it or not. Ultimately I think I'll leave it as incomplete, and I'll probably just write this fic sporadically unless someone actually wants me to complete it? I don't know, but please leave a review, f&f and all that if you enjoyed reading this.


	2. Gem

**Ninety-Nine Failed Pick-Up Lines (And the One That Actually Worked)**

 **Summary** : It all started with a pick-up line whispered on a rooftop. "You know, Tantei-kun, if I had eleven roses and you, I'd have a dozen." Kaitou KID barely dodged the soccer ball that shot past his head and lodged itself in the steel door behind him.

 **Rating** : T

 **Warnings** : Swearing

* * *

 **Chapter Two** : Gem

* * *

Conan slunk into the Mouri Detective Agency, He dropped his backpack unceremoniously in the hallway and dragged himself into the room, collapsing on the couch and propping his feet up on the table. The summer sun was shining relentlessly outside, and the humid air had clung to the boy's sweaty skin on his walk home. Conan let out a blissful sigh as the rotating fan wafted cool air over his tiny body. With one hand, the boy brushed away the hair plastered to his slick forehead, and with the other reached for the television remote. Settling back on the couch, he turned on the television and surfed idly through the various channels.

Sitcoms? No. Cartoons? Not today. Weather? He'd already experienced the muggy weather firsthand, thank you very much.

Conan must have clicked through twenty-some channels when he stopped on the news channel. Instantly intrigued, Conan leaned forward and put the remote down. It seemed like Kaitou KID was having another heist.

"-and back to Sagami-san, with the latest details about the upcoming heist!"

"Thank you, Aizawa-san. The heist note you see on screen was released by the police only a few hours ago. According to the inspector in charge..."

Conan narrowed his eyes at the television screen. So this was KID's latest heist note?

 _Under the scrutiny of all-shining eyes,_

 _When Kairos reigns and Chronos dies,  
_

 _I shall dry the tears of the charming maiden,_

 _And her clear-toned voice will finally be mine._

 _-Kaitou KID_

Conan grabbed the notepad and pen sitting next to the remote and quickly scribbled down the contents of the note. On the television set, the reporter continued to speak. "- have deduced that Kid's latest target is the Weeping Siren, a large aquamarine beryl embedded in a golden pendant. The aquamarine will be the feature of the upcoming Great Azure Hotel Opening Ceremony, to be held in three days."

Another reporter chimed in. "Oh? The Great Azure Hotel? Isn't that the new hotel built a kilometer off the Kamakura coast?"

"Yes, the Great Azure Hotel is the Suzuki Financial Group's latest project. Since it is a kilometer away from the coast, it is held up by a foundation cement pillars that reach deep into the sea. The hotel building itself is held at sea levels by these pillars, and is only accessible by boat! In short, the Great Azure Hotel is the first hotel ever built on top of the ocean!"

Conan sighed, and leaned back again, dropping the notepad and pen on the couch. This hotel was undoubtedly another one of old man Jirokichi's endeavors to be front-page news. He had probably sent out another notice to KID as well, daring the thief to steal the aquamarine pendant. When would that old man learn that Kaitou KID was uncatchable-

Conan started. Had he just called KID uncatchable? The boy shook his head; the insufferable heat must have gotten to him. Conan reached over to the television remote and shut off the television. Hopping off the couch, Conan headed towards the office fridge for a drink.

"Conan-kun! I'm home!" The door closed, and Ran walked into the room, clutching her school bag in one hand, and a blue envelope in the other.

Closing the refrigerator door, Conan uncapped a bottle of Calpis and took a sip. "Ah, Ran-neesan! Welcome back!"

Ran sat down on the couch and placed her bag on the floor, and waved Conan over. "Conan-kun, you've heard about the Great Azure Hotel, right?"

Conan walked over and sat next to Ran, swinging his legs in the air. "Yeah, I heard about it on the news! Kid's having another heist there!"

Ran smiled indulgently. "And since you're the famous Kid Killer, Jirokichi-san's given the three of us invitations to the hotel opening ceremony." She handed the blue envelope to Conan, who tore open the top and drew out three cards. "Edogawa Conan... Mouri Ran... and Mouri Kogoro! Neat! I can't wait!"

* * *

"Ne, Aoko, I can't believe your dad managed to get us invitations! Thank him for me, this hotel is really something!" Kuroba Kaito, sporting combed hair and a sapphire blue suit, looked around the Great Azure Hotel foyer in awe.

Aoko, her usually messy hair pulled into an elegant bun, smiled and gave him a playful shove. "Well you wanted to come to the grand opening so badly, it was the least I could do. Besides, Dad had two extra invitations in the first place."

"Oh? Is that so?" Turning his gaze from the hotel decor, Kaito grinned at Aoko and offered his arm. "Well, what are we waiting for? Let's—"

"SHINICHI!"

Kaito looked up in shock as a girl identical to Aoko charged at him, a small bespectacled boy in tow. Recognition coursed through Kaito's brain and his eyes widened in fear. "Oh, _shit_."

The girl slammed her elbow into Kaito's stomach, knocking the wind out of his lungs. Kaito stumbled back, barely dodging the roundhouse kick she launched at his head. Aoko was looking back and forth at the pair with equal parts shock and awe, while the little boy stood back and rubbed his head sheepishly.

"N-ne, Ran-neesan, maybe that guy isn't Shinichi-niisan..."

Kaito had been backed into a pillar, while the girl moved into a crouch and prepared to deliver the final blow to his stomach. "Wait, wait! I don't know who you're talking about but I'm not Shinichi!" Kaito waved his hands in front of the girl in a futile attempt to ward off her impending attack. "You've got it all wrong! I'm really not Shinichi!"

"Eh?" The girl lowered her leg mid-kick as she stalked closer to Kaito and sized him up. "Are you sure?"

"Of course I'm sure! My name is Kuroba Kaito! That girl over there is Nakamori Aoko! She can tell you I'm not Shinichi!" Kaito gestured towards Aoko, who instantly stood up straighter. "Yeah, this guy's name is Kaito, not Shinichi."

The girl paled, and spun around to face Kaito, who flinched in anticipation of another attack. But this time, instead of kicking him again, she bowed and apologized profusely. "I'm so sorry! You just looked like someone I know — Kudou Shinichi."

Aoko tipped her head at this, and turned to the other girl." Could you be Mouri Ran? My father mentioned that you look just like me."

"Oh! Yeah, I am. Have I met your father before?"

"Your... father? Nakamori? Could you be..." The boy piped up, looking at Aoko with wide eyes. "You're Nakamori-keibu's daughter?"

Aoko laughed and nodded. "That's me! And since you're here with Mouri-san, judging by your age, you must be the famous Kid Killer Conan-kun, am I correct?"

Conan grinned and nodded, and Aoko clapped her hands in elation. "Then I have to thank you! You're always helping my dad stop Kid! I'm in your debt!"

"Eh? Oneesan, you don't like Kaitou Kid?"

"Don't _like_ him? I absolutely _hate_ that stupid thief! People like Kid should rot in prison!" Conan and Ran both stared at Aoko in surprise, but Kaito only laughed.

"That's Aoko for you. If I'm Kid's number one fan, than she's his number one hater!" At this, Kaito squatted down to look Conan in the eye. "And you're his number one critic!"

Kaito stood up again, and the three teens started chatting about other topics. They were fast friends, and in a matter of minutes, the three were acting like they'd know each other for ages. None of them noticed Conan wandering away from the trio, deep in thought. How had Kaito known Conan was KID's 'number one critic'? None of this made sense, unless...

It couldn't be.

Conan spun around to face the teenagers again, only to see Ran. He ran to her and grabbed her arms. "Ran-neechan! Where did they go?"

"Ah, Conan-kun? What's wrong? If you're talking about Nakamori-chan and Kuroba-kun, they just left for the jewel showcase on the floor below us."

"The showcase?" _Shoot, KID could steal the gem at any minute!_ "I'll be right back!"

"Conan-kun, wait!"

The boy sprinted towards the elevators, darting through the closing doors just in time.

"Conan-kun? Why are you here?"

Looking up, Conan found himself facing a confused Aoko and... Ran?!

"Ran-neechan? Didn't you stay behind in the foyer? I just talked to you-!"

Ran shook her head in confusion. "No, Kuroba-kun was the one who stayed behind. Nakamori-chan and I were just heading down to see the hotel aquarium."

"But I thought you and... but I thought Nakamori-neesan and Kuroba-niichan were going to see the jewel showcase!"

Ran placed her hands on her knees and lowered herself to Conan's height. "Conan-kun, the jewel showcase is on the top floor, not the bottom floor. I guess even you can get confused, ne?"

Conan's shoulders slumped. KID had probably disguised himself as Kuroba in order to enter the hotel, then switched into his Ran disguise as soon as the real Ran left. The real Kuroba Kaito was probably snoring soundly in a bathroom somewhere.

"Dammit! Why didn't I notice it sooner?"

KID wanted Conan out of the way so that he could scope out the showcase, and Conan had fallen right into his trap. Worse case scenario, KID was stealing the Weeping Siren right now, since Conan and the police had been unable to deduce the exact time KID would steal the sapphire.

Conan gritted his teeth and checked his watch. It was already half past nine in the evening, and the showcase closed at one. Before arriving at the hotel, Ran had reminded Conan that they were leaving at twelve-thirty sharp, and she had already been very lenient allowing him to come to the ceremony. Basically, if Conan planned to apprehend KID, he'd have to do it within three hours. And to apprehend KID, Conan had to get to the hotel roof. Rubbing his chin, Conan racked his brain for a way to reach the roof. He'd have to get to the top floor, and from there find stairs or an elevator with roof access. Seeing as the police expected KID to enter the hotel via the top floor though, any entrances and exits on the floor would be heavily guarded. How would Conan be able to sneak past the police without drawing attention?

The shrunken detective was snapped out of his thoughts when the elevator dinged and the doors opened to reveal the aquarium entrance. "We're going to the aquarium now, Conan-kun. Sonoko said she'd meet us there, and I think its a great opportunity to introduce her to Nakamori-chan!"

Mentally shuddering at what he was about to do, Conan stared up at Ran with puppy-dog eyes and pouted, "But I want to see the jewels! They're shiny and pretty, but fish are booooring!"

"Conan-kun," Ran stared at the boy with a helpless expression. "We have to go in, we're meeting Sonoko here! Plus, Nakamori-chan says she wants to see the fish. Apparently Kuroba-kun has a deadly fear of fish, that's why he's staying in the foyer instead of coming with us."

Conan almost laughed out loud. Kuroba- no, KID- was an ichthyophobe? He'd have to remember that tidbit for future reference. Quickly though, Conan reverted to his petulant child act and stomped his feet. "But I want to see the gems! I want to see them, Ran-neechan!"

"Conan-!"

"Ah, it's okay Mouri-chan, you don't have to come with me," Aoko cut Ran off with a smile and pulled out a cell phone. "You can take Conan-kun to see the showcase. If we exchange numbers, you can call me if you decide to come back to the aquarium, and I'll meet up with you guys!"

Ran still looked hesitant, but agreed anyways, pulling out her own cellphone. "I guess I'll call Sonoko and ask her to meet us at the showcase instead..." Glancing up from her cellphone, she smiled apologetically at Aoko. "Sorry about this. Conan-kun usually doesn't act this way."

"Don't worry about it! Just make sure to enjoy the showcase before that idiot thief decides to ruin it again!" Repocketing her phone, Aoko winked at Conan and called out, "Do your best, Kid Killer!"

Conan nodded over his shoulder as he walked towards the elevators with Ran. "I'll do my best!"

In the elevator, Ran smacked Conan on the head, painfully reminiscent of her father. "Mou, Conan, why're you acting up today? That was incredibly rude to Nakamori-chan."

Conan had the dignity to look ashamed. ' _Hey, hey, it's not like I wanted to act like a spoiled brat.'_

"And the elevator ride to the top level takes so long, too! What would we do if the power suddenly cut out?" Ran mused.

"It won't. The hotel not only has secondary backup generators, but also tertiary and quaternary ones as well. To induce a blackout, all four sets of power generators would have to cease operating."

Startled, Ran turned to face the man who had cut in. He looked young, most likely her age, with a fair complexion, hazel eyes, and neatly styled blonde hair. In other words, he was a teenaged foreigner.

"Excuse me?"

The young man only laughed, and gave Ran a small bow. "Pardon my manners, my name is Hakuba Saguru. I presume you are Miss Mouri Ran?"

Not pausing for an answer, Hakuba kept talking. "You may be wondering how I know your name. See, I deduced that you were Mouri Ran because of your likeness to your father, the famous Sleeping Kogoro. Coupled with the fact that you are accompanying young Edogawa-kun, whom I have met at previous Kid heists, I came to the conclusion that Suzuki Jirokichi invited you to aid him in capturing Kid."

Conan rolled his eyes, but Ran seemed to be impressed. "Could you be a detective? You seem really sharp."

"As a matter of fact, yes, I am a detective. Your deduction skills seem quite sharp as well, Mouri-san."

Ran blushed, and Conan gagged. Oblivious to Conan's disgusted face, Ran continued chatting. "So, Hakuba-san, are you heading to the top floor as well?"

"Yes, I am. I intend to become acclimated to the configuration of the top story and familiarize myself with the security mechanisms prior to Kaitou Kid's appearance later in the evening."

"You know when Kid is showing up, Hakuba-san? I thought even the police were unable to determine it."

Hakuba pushed his hair back with one hand and laughed again. "It was all elementary, really. I have approximated that Kid will show up within the vicinity of twelve o'clock midnight."

Ran gasped in amazement. "Really? How did you figure that out? My friend showed me the heist note, and I couldn't make heads or tails of it!"

"Well, I simply-"

Conan heaved a sigh in relief, spared from Hakuba's lengthy explanation by the ding of opening elevator doors.

"I believe this is where we must part, Mouri-san, Edogawa-kun. I have some business to discuss with the police before I head to the showcase."

Hakuba bowed once more, and headed down the hallway to the left of the elevators. Peering at a map attached to the wall, Ran tried to locate the showcase. "Um, let's see... go right past three other corridors...then make a left...the showcase should be in the first gallery. Okay Conan-kun, let's go!"

* * *

Yoshioka Mio, Kaito's newest reconnaissance persona, chuckled to herself as she surveyed the inadequate security in the showcase gallery. Moving in sync with the crowd milling around in the room, Mio counted a paltry total of five security guards. _'So Nakamori-keibu isn't going all out this time? Must be government budget cuts. Still, I'd expect more from old man Suzuki...well, I'm not complaining. They're just making my job easier, after all.'_

As Mio neared a large pearl on display, she caught sight of a familar cowlick bobbing around the waists of the crowd. _'So Tantei-kun finally got up here? It took him long enough.'_ Glancing at the clock mounted on a nearby wall, Mio smirked as she realized it was now ten o'clock. With a deft flick of her wrist, a powder blue card appeared in Mio's gloved hand, and she discreetly made her way towards Conan.

"Oh, my apologies ma'am." A middle-aged business man bumped into the woman, causing her to stumble and rest a hand on one of the display cases. She was about to straighten up when two hands tightened around her arms. "Eh? What is this?" A security guard seemed to have materialized out of thin air, and peered at her suspiciously. "What were you trying to do, miss? The display cases are clearly off limits."

Luckily, the man who had bumped into her sheepishly explained that he had knocked her into the display, and the guard reluctantly released her arms. "There better not be a next time, " he glowered, and Mio nodded quickly. _'That was close. I was afraid he was going to pinch my cheek.'_ Mentally adding a sixth guard to the list, Mio continued to make her way towards the shrunken detective. As soon as she planted the card, the disguise would come off and Kaito would carry out the second part of his plan to steal the Weeping Siren; incapacitating all four sets of power generators. Finally within reach of Conan, the disguised thief brushed against the boy, taping the card to his back in one swift motion. In the few seconds it took Conan to react and turn around, Mio was already out of sight.

* * *

"Conan-kun! Sonoko's outside the gallery, let's go meet her."

"Okay, Ran-neechan!"

The two slowly worked their way out of the gallery to see a peeved Sonoko waiting for them.

"Jeez! Why the sudden change of plans? It took me forever to get up here!"

"Sorry Sonoko-neechan, I guess its my fault." Conan rubbed his head in mock embarrassment, and Sonoko let out an annoyed sigh.

"Brats like you are so troublesome! You're always running away, or changing our plans, or— What's stuck to the back of your jacket?"

Conan reached over his shoulder, patting his back for a moment before he felt the paper card. Pulling it off, Conan read it and promptly flushed a vivid shade of crimson. He tore the card in half and shoved it into his pocket, muttering something that sounded suspiciously like 'pedophilloic thief.' Sonoko narrowed her eyes and placed her hands on her hips, peering down at the scarlet boy. "Eh? What was on that card?"

Conan mumbled an indistinct reply, before heading back into the gallery and beckoning for the two teenaged girls to follow. Trading bemused looks, Ran and Sonoko shrugged before following Conan. Behind a potted plant, a cell phone camera snapped several photos of the blushing detective. Kaito, phone in one hand and latex mask in the other, snickered quietly before slipping away to the nearest restroom.

From Conan's pocket, a torn half of the card fell to the floor unnoticed as he was jostled by a woman talking loudly to her husband. The half card drifted onto the carpet, showing only the words 'Are you a gem?'

(In Conan's pocket, the other half of the card read 'Because I'd love to steal you for a night.')

* * *

 **A/N:** So I've gotten a bunch of reviews telling me to continue, which was really encouraging, so I'll do my best to finish writing this fic. That said, if anyone knows good pick up lines, please send them my way, b/c I'm having a hard time finding a hundred good ones. Also, please let me know: Would you prefer if I included Japanese phrases (tadaima, okaeri, masaka, ganbatte, etc.) or should I stick to using English?

Thanks for reading chapter two, and please review/ f&f if you liked it!


	3. Full-Grown

**Ninety-Nine Failed Pick-Up Lines (And the One That Actually Worked)**

 **Summary** : It all started with a pick-up line whispered on a rooftop. "You know, Tantei-kun, if I had eleven roses and you, I'd have a dozen." Kaitou KID barely dodged the soccer ball that shot past his head and lodged itself in the steel door behind him.

 **Rating** : T

 **Warnings** : Cursing

* * *

 **Chapter Three: Full-Grown**

* * *

Kaito sighed as the moonlight filtered harmlessly through the aquamarine gem. Once again, it wasn't Pandora. And to think he had even gone through the trouble of prying the gem out of its gold pendant. Sometimes, the teen felt like he was just wasting his time on a wild goose chase. What were the odds that Pandora actually existed? That a gem, a glorified rock, would 'cry' when exposed to a comet? And that those tears would have the power grant immortality? Close to none, Kaito imagined.

Slipping the aquamarine into a hidden pocket, Kaito made to stand up, wincing as pain shot through his abdomen. That Mouri-san was too strong for her own good, and Kaito had already noticed a few mottled bruises blooming across his stomach. How did Tantei-kun survive living in the same house with her? Speaking of Tantei-kun, Kaito glanced down at his watch. Unless the boy detective had been delayed, the teen mused, Tantei-kun would be bursting through the rooftop door in three, two, one—

"KID!"

And in that moment, the white-clad teen standing on the roof was no longer Kuroba Kaito, but became the infamous Kaitou KID. Slipping seamlessly into his other persona, he spun on his heel to face the boy and bowed with a flourish. "Good evening, Tantei-kun."

Conan looked up and glared at the thief. "Good evening my ass! What was with that card on my back?"

KID gave Conan an innocent look and cocked his head to the side in mock confusion. "Card? What do you mean, Tantei-kun?"

Conan bent down and cranked up the dial on his shoe. "You know exactly what I mean, Kid. That index card with the pick-up line! The whole 'Are you a gem, because I'd love to steal you for a night' thing!"

KID let out a squeal. "Steal me for a night? Ah, Tantei-kun, are you hitting on me?"

"I will be, in a second."

For a moment, KID scrunched his eyebrows in genuine confusion before his face paled and his eyes widened. Conan was drawing back his leg... and launched a soccer ball covered with fish decals straight at the thief.

"Hold up, Tan-!"

The thief dived to his right, shivering as a fish decal passed millimeters from his face. He shouted indignantly at the shrunken detective, who was sporting a dark smirk and in the process of cranking the dial on his shoe even higher. "Hey, Tantei-kun! Cut it-"

A rubber fish hurtled towards KID, driving him towards the edge of the roof. At this point, it was taking all of KID's willpower not to vomit over the side of the building. How on earth had the little detective discovered his sole weakness?

"Ne, Kid."

The thief stared at Conan with something akin to fear in his eyes as the boy toyed with more fish-themed items. "Wh-what is it, Tantei-kun?"

"Why did you stick that card on my back? You're a lot of things, Kid, but I've never taken you for a shotacon."

"It was all just for fun, Tantei-kun. Especially since you look so cute when you blush!"

Conan's face twitched and he reached down to activate his shoe for the third time. "So you _are_ a shotacon..."

KID shook his head emphatically. "Honestly, I'm not! I may joke around while you're shrunken, but I'm never serious! Besides, I prefer your full-grown size much more!"

It took Conan a few moments to process KID's words before he glanced up in shock. "...What?"

But Kaitou KID had already leapt off the hotel roof, and his hang glider was a rapidly disappearing triangle backlit by the city skyline.

"He prefers...my full grown size? What the hell?" Conan stared at KID's retreating figure in a daze before kicking the rest of the fish memorabilia in the thief's direction, shoe cranked to the highest setting.

" _Fuck_ you, Kid!

(KID grinned as he heard Conan's yell, followed by a series of successive splashes. He was looking forward to seeing the little detective soon.)

* * *

 **A/N:** Anyways, this was just meant as a short follow-up/ continuation of chapter two. If I'm being really honest, I'm not happy with this chapter at all, but maybe some of you'll like it?Either way, chapter three should come out in less than a week, and it'll probably be better than this.Thanks for reading, and please remember to review/ff!

* * *

ALSO thanks to **Oreioreo** , **Eyeinthesky** , **Promakhos** , and **ThatGirlWhoLooksLikePopura** for their input/advice. And **Assassin8** : yes, I am planning to find 100 pick-up lines (one per chapter) so I'll probably take a year or two to finish this fic. Wish me luck haha

* * *

 **Edit:** I changed lolicon to shotacon as per suggestions from a few reviewers. Thanks for your input guys. :D


	4. Blanket

**Ninety-Nine Failed Pick-Up Lines (And the one That Actually Worked)**

 **Summary** : It all started with a pick-up line whispered on a rooftop. "You know, Tantei-kun, if I had eleven roses and you, I'd have a dozen." Kaitou KID barely dodged the soccer ball that shot past his head and lodged itself in the steel door behind him.

 **Rating** : T

 **Warnings** : Swearing

* * *

 **Chapter Four:Blanket**

* * *

"Sonoko? A babysitter?! For _me?!_ "

Conan, dinner forgotten, was staring at Ran like she had grown another head.

"Mmm," Ran nodded as she finished chewing. "I know you can take care of yourself, Conan-kun, but I'd feel bad leaving you home alone for an entire week. You're only seven, after all."

"What about Agasa-hakase and Haibara? I've stayed with them before...!"

Ran sighed and wiped her mouth. "It seems the professor blew up a large portion of his house. He's living in a hotel with Ai-chan until the house can be fixed."

"But what about Genta? Mitsuhiko? Ayumi? Can't I stay with one of them?"

"They're all on vacation right now. Summer break just started, after all."

"How about Hattori-nii? And Kazuha-neesan?"

"Conan-kun, there's no way you're going all the way to Osaka."

"I could stay with... Shinichi-nii? His house is big enough!"

Ran glared at Conan.

"But- what about-" Conan's mind scrambled as it tried to think of someone, anyone other than _Sonoko_ , who would possibly be able to take care of him for a week. "-what about Nakamori-neesan...?"

Ran was silent for a long time, face unreadable.

Conan was silent, waiting with bated breath.

Finally, Ran spoke. "I guess it wouldn't hurt to call and ask."

' _Alright!'_ Conan thought, _'Crisis averted!'_

* * *

Conan was brushing his teeth when the doorbell rang. Ran had left a few hours ago for karate camp, and Kogoro had been off on his "important case" for several days already. After the doorbell rang for the second time, Conan hurriedly spit out his toothpaste, turning offs the faucet and wiping his hands on the way out of the restroom.

"Hold on! I'm coming!" Bare feet came pounding down the staircase as Conan rushed to open the door. He raced past the thermostat on his way to answer the door, backtracking to crank the temperature waaaay down.

"Twenty degrees? That's more like it." To save energy, Ran usually kept the thermostat at a terrifying thirty degrees. On some days, it was better just to keep the air conditioning off, lest it actually heat the room up. Conan secretly loved keeping the room as cold as possible (he actually loved wasting energy), so whenever Ran was gone, he'd bask in air conditioned bliss for as long as he could.

The doorbell ringed for a third time, snapping Conan out of his air-conditioned reverie, and he opened the door for Nakamori-chan.

Except...

It wasn't Nakamori-chan at the door. It wasn't even a '-chan.' It was...

"KID?!"

Conan gaped at the man standing in the doorway. Despite Conan's sudden outburst, the man smiled, unfazed. "Um, I think you're the kid here... You're Conan-kun, right?"

Conan shook off his initial surprise. That's right, this man wasn't actually Kaitou KID. He'd just had the bad luck of being KID's cover identity for a night.

"Yup! I'm Edogawa Conan! You're Nakamori-chan's boyfriend, right? Did you come with Nakamori-chan today?"

The man's smile seemed to flicker for an instant, but it was back at full force so quickly, Conan must have imagined the brief lapse.

"Well, I'm Kuroba Kaito, Aoko's _friend._ Something," the man grimaced for a second, "came up, so she couldn't make it today. I hope you don't mind, I'll be taking care of you for today."

"That's fine with me, Kuroba-san!" Conan moved to the side and gave the man his largest, most disarming smile. Hopefully Kuroba would leave him to his own devices for the day. It was always a bother when people forced Conan to go out and have 'fun,' since the fun usually ended in a murder (or two.) Kuroba entered the Mouri home, and for the first time, Conan noticed how the man was dressed.

Hat, tank top, shorts, sneakers, backpack, sunglasses. Comfortable clothes, almost like clothes one would wear for a day wandering around outside...

"Let's go out today and have a lot of _fun,_ 'kay?"

Conan stared. Oh, hell no.

* * *

Kaito and Conan were seated on the couch, Conan's eyes glazing over in dread as the older boy rambled on about their plans for the day.

"...And I was thinking that we could go to the beach after that, and then we can eat lunch at this awesome new family restaurant, and then we can go to the festival in this nearby city—man, is this house cold, or is it just me— then we can take a taxi over to Tropical Land and eat dinner there, and then we can go to this cool little gelato shop I love, then we can go to the planetarium for their summer stargazing program, then we can rent a movie and watch it back here, and then you can go to bed. Does that sound like a good plan to you?"

Without meaning to, Conan let out a soft whimper. To anyone else, it would've sounded like a injured puppy begging for help, but to Kaito, it sounded like a confirmation of his plans.

"Cool! It's decided then! Why don't you head upstairs and change out of your pajamas? The sooner you change, the sooner we can go out and seize the day!" Kaito jumped up and punched the air. "Man, am I stoked! We are going to have so much fun!"

"Ne, Kuroba-san..."

Conan was trying to stall for time, in hopes of delaying the inevitable.

"You can just call me Kaito-nii!"

"Ne, Kaito-nii? Before we go, can I eat breakfast first? I'm _staaar_ ving!"

The boy patted his stomach for emphasis, trying to avoid going outside for as long as he could.

"That's a great idea! We should always start the day with a balanced breakfast—"

"Yup! Ran-neechan says that too! I'll go make some toast right now!"

"—In fact, you don't need to make toast. One of my favorite cafés has a special breakfast promotion going on right now! We can eat there! Why don't you get changed?"

Conan grudgingly trudged up the stairs, and closed his bedroom door with a slam. Kaito waited for the boy to go out of earshot before he doubled over with laughter. ' _That look on Tantei-kun's face is absolutely priceless! Today really_ will _be fun... For me at least."_

* * *

 _"...And the true murderer is you, Miyamoto-san!"_

 _"What? How can that be? I loved Yamamoto!"_

 _"Precisely! And because you believed Yamamoto-san did not love you, but loved Sawamoto-san instead, you killed Yamamoto-san out of jealousy! In fact, you planned to kill Sawamoto-san as well!"_

 _"But Sawamoto is still alive!"_

 _"Indeed, but that is only because of a fatal error in your plans, Miyamoto-san!"_

 _"A fatal error? What do you mean, Takamoto-tantei?"_

 _"I mean, Miyamoto-san, that you forgot Sawamoto-san is a vegetarian!"_

 _"Noooooo!"_

"...this movie sure sucks, doesn't it, Conan-kun?"

Kaito peered over at his young companion, tiny body curled up on the couch and eyes glued to the television screen. Without looking away from the movie, Conan raised a small hand and motioned for Kaito to be quiet. Kaito simply sighed in response. Who would've thought that after solving three murders and two kidnappings in a single day, Conan would still be enraptured by such a C-list murder movie.

As the credits started rolling onscreen, Conan finally tore his eyes from the television and made to stretch. As soon as he lifted his arms, though, he pulled them back down and shivered. Why was the house so cold in the middle of summer? Conan blinked sleepily for a few moments before he realized.

"Ah! I never turned the air conditioner off!"

Kaito glanced at him, amused. "Well, why don't you put the movie away, and I'll turn AC off."

Conan gave him a bleary stare before nodding and shuffling over to the DVD player. Kaito's 'day of fun' coupled with the host of crimes they'd encountered had seriously taken a toll on his seven-year-old body. Although he'd be lying if he said he hadn't enjoyed traipsing around Beika with the Kaito, the shrunken detective was exhausted. Once he had stuck the DVD back in its case, he curled back up on the sofa and closed his eyes.

"Sorry Conan-kun, it took me a while to figure out your thermo—"

Kaito paused mid-sentence to stare at the younger boy. Already half asleep, Conan was huddled on one side of the couch, arms around his legs and his glasses askew. For a moment, Kaito stood there, wondering if he should wake the boy or not. Soon enough, he came to a decision and gently shook Conan. Sleepy blue eyes gazed quizzically at Kaito, and it took all the teen's willpower not to coo like a demented grandmother. Instead, he let a familiar smirk take over his face.

"Hey Conan-kun, you look kind of cold. Wanna use me as your blanket?"

"Mmm...mmhm."

Conan closed his eyes again before Kaito's words really registered with his drowsy mind.

"Mmm, that sounds good.."

Kaito grinned. A sleepy tantei-kun was the best tantei-kun. "Oh? It sounds good, does it?"

* * *

"Mm...hmm...hmm? Wait- what? That doesn't sound good at all!"

Conan shot up, all traces of sleepiness gone, only to find himself... in his own bed? He was dressed in his pajamas, and sunlight was filtering in from around the curtains. He rubbed his face as he threw his blanket aside. "I could've sworn I fell asleep on the couch...was that all a dream?"

He padded over to the bathroom, and in the middle of brushing his teeth when a familiar chime sounded. "Ah, hold on! I'm coming!"

Shaking off a sense of déjà vu, Conan hurried down stairs to answer the door. He turned the air conditioner on with the press of a button, (it was already set at twenty degrees, awesome!), rushed past the television, (he noticed a DVD case lying on the couch- _Death By Pork,_ the cover said), and opened the door to see...

"Good morning, Conan-kun! I'm Nakamori Aoko, remember? I was busy yesterday, but I'll be taking care of you for the rest of the week!"

(Conan didn't know why, but he felt strangely disappointed to see Aoko, and not a certain someone else...)

* * *

Apology Corner!

Remember when I said I'd update within a week? Remember how one week turned into nearly one year? Yeah...I'm really sorry about that! I actually intended to post a bunch of chapters over the summer, but that never happened either. On another note, this is the first time Conan's properly met Kaito! Will Conan discover Kaito's secret?! (Probably...)

So once again, I am truly, truly sorry for not posting, and I hope you will continue to support this fic!

Please rr, ff, and keep suggesting some pickup lines!


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